I, this watching, listening, reflecting point of consciousness, in the depths of meditation experience the will opening awareness to the vast silence in which all thoughts come and go. Attention traces back along the paths of their manifestation – from words back to images, sounds and feelings. Through these forms it traces back to pulses of energy filled with potential and emerging from the silence as though born out of nothing.
With continued observation it becomes clear that in the silence, beyond all perception, are mysterious intelligent forces and dynamics composing those emergent pulses. In time it is discerned there are forces and dynamics of different categories, “intelligences” focused on different aims, each leaving a resonance within the pulses it sends. Through these pulses and the forms into which they unfold, increasing familiarity finds that some of those intelligences are aware of this probing, and some of them desire to communicate and be known.
As intention and openness to communication builds on many sides, the mysterious intelligences respond at times with bursts and floods of energy pulses. These bursts and floods stimulate imagination to unfold the most dazzling artistic displays in dreams, visions, locutions, and the like, brimming with the excitement and disclosure of newly met lovers. Growing intimacy clarifies the “voices” of various intelligences, each singing at different times in differing degrees of cacophony, harmony, or unison. Patient intention for truth eventually distinguishes within the chorus a certain voice interweaving itself in and through all the others. At first it seems only one among the many, yet it becomes realized as the one to which all others respond, as a choir does to the whispers and motions of its conductor.
With knowledge of the central wisdom and power of the intelligence behind that voice, I resolve to focus attention upon it. I make known my commitment to it and to all the intelligences that might listen, so that those which can still themselves or sing harmonious responses to that voice will do so and thereby assist me in communing with its source. What follows is an attempt at transcribing some of our communication, freely acknowledging that my abilities to single out that voice, translate it, and understand its meaning are still in development and sometimes in error, or perhaps always so to some degree.
An Allegorical Conversation
Hello. I believe I am welcome to communicate as directly as possible with you, is that correct?
You are more than welcome, much more.
I feel awe in doing so. It is a mixture of excitement, joy, wonder, anticipation, so many feelings, but also fear, I must admit.
Yes, that’s all natural, including your fear. Be still. It passes.
Thank you. I see that this is my response to the unknown, knowing that I cannot predict or control it. It is my lack of trust in myself to protect and preserve myself.
Yes, that fear and lack of trust stem from your desire to remain much as you are, to not die to the illusion of yourself, and the conflict of that desire with the knowledge of your limitations and the desire to be free from them, to die to the illusion of yourself as you know you must. It is simply part of your present existence that you cannot clearly discern the illusion of you from the essence that you truly are. You know this.
Yes, I do. I wish it were otherwise.
You do and you don’t wish it were otherwise, which is fine. In time it becomes otherwise, but outside of time it already is, always was, and always will be. You know this, and that knowledge is what enables you to be patient with and even enjoy the illusion despite its torments.
Yes, and with that, in this moment, I sense a release from the fear of communicating with you so freely.
That’s right. You are free to communicate with me as openly, honestly and informally as your most intimate friend, even more so.
Okay, that makes sense. And, as in an intimate conversation with a dear friend, it naturally calls for devotion.
Yes, and with time the rapport builds. Though there are phases in which I seem silent and distant to you, even absent, they pass so that you increasingly come to know we are present to each other in all circumstances.
I’m smiling with the thought and feeling of that.
As am I.
Hmm. I’ve wondered if you feel things like I do.
I feel everything, everything you feel, everything every creature feels, has ever felt or ever will feel.
That’s comforting, yet I cannot begin to imagine what that must be like for you.
Once when you were lucid you were asked what would happen if you didn’t imagine anything, and so for a moment you emptied yourself into complete silence and stillness, and then suddenly it was filled with golden light, as if by an explosion.
Yes! I recall it was so alive and full! It was humming and buzzing and shining with so much energy!
That moment was a glimpse of what it’s like to feel everything all at once.
What do you call it?
Your mind might call it “Life”, “Light”, or “Logos” but your heart is already calling out another name.
Yeah, it’s “Love”, and more than I ever thought love could be.
Love is everything. It is the Logos, the Life and the Light. Even the things I don’t always recognize as love must be Love.
You are Love.
I want to know you, so much!
You do know me, and always have known me, and your knowing continues to grow.
Ah, yes, I have known you in so many ways, some of them lesser and some greater.
Yes, but now you know the greatness even in the least of these.
Ha ha ha ha! Yes! Yes, you remind me that as a child I learned to see you in the Jesus who spoke such similar words.
“Jesus loves the little children….” You know the song.
Oh, you bring tears to my eyes!
I love you. You know it is always true.
Yes, yes, my beloved. I’m so grateful. My tears say what words cannot.
I am always with you. I know what is in your heart.
Yes, thank you. I forget that so easily. I am so easily distracted and absorbed in the illusions.
It’s okay. You are my child at play in the playground I have given you. If I had not wanted you to forget yourself in play, I would not have made it so.
But there is not only joyful play here. There is labor and misery and evil here too. Did you create these?
What I am about to tell you is only one way to comprehend this mystery, yet it is true. I create you and your kind with individuality. Into each of your beings I pour some of my love, my life, will, and creativity, and I seal it with the forgetting of its root, and then send you into the natural world with its laws, which I have ordained. I do this so that you might be free to participate in creation with me, even to make worlds of your own.
In the forgetting of your root you sense your loss and limitation, yet the heat of my eternal being and the will to become is also there. Thus, believing you are that which is temporary and bound to space and time as you know it, rather than remembering you are that which is eternal and free, you desire to artificially make the temporal into something eternal, the illusory into the real, the relative into the absolute, and therefore cannot help but know the frustration of your desires and the fear of oblivion.
So it is that your ignorance and fear shape your understanding of things, and thus much of your relative reality, into what you call misery and evil. Yet, I made all of this to be as it is, and though I am not bound to it, I am in it with you, within you and all around you. I have not only sealed you with the forgetting of your root, but have also endowed you with the potential to break that seal and begin remembering me, and so begin to see love glowing through the veils that are your suffering.
If everything is love, even misery and evil, why should I care what anyone experiences or does? Why be compassionate and ethical?
There are many ways to answer, and one way is this: Because you can’t really stop yourself. It is part of who and what you are to want these things for yourself and others, and it would only be compounding the illusions of your life for you to pretend otherwise. This desire is part of what breaks the seal of forgetting your root. It involves recognizing your deepest self in others, for I am in each of you. It is interwoven with your desire for the truth beyond the duality of evil and good as you know good, in that state where all is known as the Love that has no opposite.
Heaven. It’s about bringing heaven and earth together as much as possible.
I believe all of this, but it’s still hard to understand how love can create circumstances that are sure to result in suffering. That seems more like cruelty than love.
From the perspective of separation it must seem to be so, but consider three things: First, I am with you even in that suffering, suffering with you, though in me the suffering is known as love. Second, I only reveal the truth to you in the ways you are presently able to accept it. Third, even to one who has awakened to remember and find union with me to the fullest possible extent, the necessity of it all shall remain a mystery, for it is such even to me, who knows it is undeniably true.
Even for you?! Aren’t you God?!
I am. Yet “I am” is somewhat like the awakening of consciousness from deep sleep. It takes little attention for “I am” to know there is a still and silent One that is the transcendent source and substance of all that is possible and all that is impossible. I am the first-born of That. I am one with That, yet I am not all It was, is or can be.
Ah, in this I hear the answer to why there is something instead of nothing: All we can know of this, all we can communicate, is that it is the mysterious will of the silent One.
So you do not have the power to change the essential way of things?
Yes and no. If I were to change the essential way of things, it would be the will of the One working through me, but the will of the One is for things to be as they are.
I can sense this line of questioning isn’t going to reveal much more to me.
You are free to change the subject.
Thank you. I feel this is a good place to rest, though one more question comes to mind: What if I share this with others? I know some will welcome it, but I know others will not, and I am a little fearful of how it will affect them and how they will respond.
Let go of your fear. Remember that what they and you really are cannot be harmed, and that my love is always with you, each and all. When you share these words, some might hear it as you do and take comfort, and others might hear it as the babbling of a child and they will smile with grace. Some might hear it as a mockingbird heralding the dawn, as the howling of a dog in the night, the squealing of a hungry pig, or the taunting of a devil. All hear as they are best able to hear, and they respond accordingly. Go now and do what you must with love, from love, for love, and you will know me as you have said you want so much to do.
Thank you, Love. It makes no sense to say goodbye.